Real Life Hyumurrr

1) "From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public un-supervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you
have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you
are travelling with two or more small children, decide now which one you love more"
 
2) Cork Radio Station (in Ireland), 96 FM, was running a competition to find contestants who
could come up with words that were not found in any English Dictionary yet could still use
these words in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali for a
week.
The DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two standing out:
DJ: 96FM, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, me name's Dave.
DJ: Dave, what is your word?
Caller: Goan, spelt G O A N, pronounced "go-an"
DJ: We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct,
Dave,"goan" is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary. Now the next question,
for a trip for two to Bali is, what sentence can you use that in that would make logical
sense?
Caller: Goan f*** yourself!
At this point the DJ cuts the caller short and announces that there is no place for that sort
of language on a family show. After many more unsuccessful calls the DJ takes the following
caller:
DJ: 96FM, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, me name's Jeff.
DJ: Jeff, what is your word?
Caller: Smee, spelt S M E E, pronounced "smee".
DJ: We are checking that (pause) and you are correct, Jeff, "smee" is certainly a word not
found in the English Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali is, what
sentence can you use that in that would make logical sense?
Caller: Smee again! Goan f***  yourself!